Tuesday 22 April 2014

Let No Man Put Asunder

"What therefore God hath joined together, let not man put asunder." The Bible, Mark 10:9

Claudette Esterine
No such words were said 'over' my first husband and I before we were declared man and wife. Come to think of it, they WERE said by the minister as he sent my last husband and I off into marital bliss.

Yet, as my spiritual guides always remind me: "Words do not teach, only life experiences."

"Asunder," is a word that I have not only heard but experienced and what it taught me is that 'love' is not enough.

Divorce remains a profitable business for lawyers and counsellors in many countries, particularly those in North America and throughout the European Union. The Canadian Encyclopedia, for example, indicates that while marriage remains an important social institution in this country, the rate continue to decline. More and more people are either choosing not to marry and remain single or live 'common law'. The 2011 census revealed that the marriage rate dropped three percent over a 10 year period, with only 67% of Canadian families headed by (heterosexual) married couples.

"50% percent of first marriages, 67% of second and 74% of third marriages end in divorce, according to Jennifer Baker of the Forest Institute of Professional Psychology in Springfield, Missouri." This information is courtesy of a website called Divorce Rate and you can check the statistics for several countries around the world there.

Image: quomodocomque.wordpress.com
My question therefore is, are we self-prophesying or is it just 'hard' to stay married or at least in a committed relationship?

On my way to a brainstorming session yesterday, a woman revealed to me that she and her husband were calling it quits after 23 years of marriage. She said that she was at peace with the decision, now that it has been made and it is all systems go in terms of dividing their joint property.

Her words took me back to my own experiences of dividing communal property. It is something I never want go through again in this life.

What I also have no desire to experience again is heartbreak. Listening to this lady, I was not sure if she would 'chance' loving again - in the romantic sense.

My girlfriends tell me I will. Truth be told, I have but one experience was such a betrayal of trust that it 'ruined' me for the second.

Maybe I will have a chance to speak with my new acquaintance and share with her the Rumi quote I came across early this morning. Dr. Janice Chang is the Rumi 'expert' among us but when this quote came up in my search result, its relevance was unmistakable:
"Love is the cure for, your pain will keep giving birth to more pain until your eyes constantly exhale love as effortlessly as your body yields its scent." Rumi
Getting married a second or even third time might work for some. It certainly did not for me. My experience of being "put asunder," time and time again has been disempowering, disruptive and destructive to my personhood and my heart.  Until my "eyes constantly exhale" and saw only Love, the pain kept having babies.

Finally I learnt and also know for sure that only when one's heart gives love without thought or concern for its return, that Love is the constant experience.

The lesson I am now learning, and I smiled last night seeing it being taught to my new acquaintance, is that Love comes through many channels. We often block the flow of Love to us by expecting it from a particular height, weight or even gendered person. Hence the numerous broken relationships as we are disappointed when the substance of the individual does not match form.

Will I marry again? No. 
Will I Love again? I never stopped once I got it.

What about you? Have you been married more than once? Are you still looking for love or are you now open to the experience of Love?

Share your thoughts with me here or on our Facebook page. You can also follow us on Twitter.

Have a great Earth Day and be Love.


Claudette Esterine is the Founder of Daughters of Sheba Foundation and Editor of our blog. She is a Jamaican-Canadian and a Free Spirit.

No comments:

Post a Comment